Outside Of OZ
by Soulfire Stories
Summary: Beecher is out on parole... and he's falling right back into his old life.


Tobias Beecher. What is in a name? Does the name represent who we are on the outside or in the inside? Does the name make us any lonelier or any happier? Does the name make me any more of a survivor?

For the past 4 ---- almost 5 ---- years I have been known as "Beecher", sometimes the ex-lawyer, sometimes the crazy fucker who shit on Vern Shillenger's face and bit the tip of Robson's dick off and used to dance around in circles and spit out crazy nursery rhymes, sometimes known as Kareem Said's other half, his sidekick... and even sometimes I was known as Christopher's Keller's love and oh no let's not forget when I was known as the official "OZ" slut... no we could never forget about that experience.   
But now I am Tobias Beecher again, well some people call me Mr. Beecher, god whenever I hear someone call me that I expect to see my father emerging from behind me, but no they're talking to me, it's weird.

And you are probably wondering, what the fuck is going on? Well to make a long, and believe me... a LONG story very short... I got paroled. And just to clarify all your minds... it wasn't Katherine that finally got me out of OZ, nah she couldn't help anybody even if her life depended on it and plus I didn't want to have to owe her something, debts are the worst kind of things to have... why don't you ask Christopher Keller. Well anyhow, me and Said worked our asses off to get me parole, actually just to get the judge to hear me out, and in the end, all our hard work was good for something, because after months and months of waiting, the judge finally agreed to let me out on parole, he said that I have proven that I am more then worthy to be let out.

That day, the day when I was finally released from OZ, had to be the longest day in my life... I was finally leaving this shithole but god there was one moment, where I actually didn't want to go. Now don't get me wrong, I was more then happy to get out this hell hole but saying goodbye to Said and Sister Pete had to be almost as hard as when I had to say goodbye to Keller. God when I think about it, I didn't even think of Keller that day, he would be proud; I had thought about how much Kareem Said had changed my life, and how much I was going to miss him, and at one time I thought I wouldn't be able to go, but he made me go.

"Leave Beecher. Go. Leave OZ and never come back."

Never look back, he told me, and I did exactly what he told me... well the leaving part. I did look back quite a few times; I still do look back. I have been out of prison for 4 months now, and things are just starting to get back to normal, my parents finally can look me in the eye without being ashamed, my baby girl can be near me now without thinking of Gary and I can finally sleep without waking up in the middle of the night, sweating from the horrible and frightful nightmares.

But even though, I am finally starting to get my 'normal' life back together, he always seems to slip into my mind at night. While I am lying in my big bed at night, me eyes wide awake, my body stiff, and my heart closed up, he enters my mind and for that split second in time, things are good. But see that was the best thing about Keller, he always made things better, yes he did his share of making things bad, but Keller always knew how to make me feel good after a REALLY bad day. And no I'm not talking about sex here... I'm talking about emotion; I'm talking about how he would crawl up behind me on my bunk, how he would wrap his legs next to mine, how he would casually start to rub out all the tense muscles in my back, kneading his warm and soft hands in my neck... but what got to me the most was how when the neck rub was over, he would lean his face against my back and just let it lay there until a hack came by and told him to back off.

Those were the precious moments where I knew that Christopher Keller, loved me with all his being, those moments where he would touch my back, just to feel my skin, I knew that he loved me, even if he didn't know that I knew.

Tsk Tsk Beecher, you're not supposed to be thinking about him. Remember? You're living your own life now, no regrets, no looking back and that means no thoughts of Keller.

Play cards, read a book, take a walk, play some Nintendo with Harry, god even write a letter to an old family relative or friend.... But don't think of him. It's not like he's thinking of you while spending his life sentence in Cedar Junction... he's probably already working his magic on some other guy, using the same lines, giving them the same look, kissing them the same way he kissed you... you're too trusting and loyal Tobias Beecher... that is what makes you weak.**__**

**_Oz didn't make you a bitch; you were born one._**

Maybe there was some truth to what he told me that day, maybe I was born a weakling and that was all I could ever amount up to. The weak chain, the doormat, someone else uses for their benefit.

**_You're crazier then I thought...._**

Crazy. Hmmm shall we say Tobias Beecher for $200? Damn, sitting in my lonely and dark room, waiting for the sun to rise, I am given the time to think about some things and damn I was fucken nuts back then. Of course I'm crazy Vern and we have it all to thanks to you... hmm Vern, I heard his parole came up, he didn't get it, serves the asshole right... I knew even the cruelest judges know that Vern Shillenger isn't fit for the outside world. God even Johnny Cochran wouldn't be dumb enough, to help Shillenger get out, and Johnny Cochran was the biggest dumbass in the world, but he was indeed a terrific lawyer, yes scheming and wrong in every way, but the man has moves, even I Tobias Beecher couldn't deny that.

**Beep. Beep. Beep.>>>**

Ah yes, the very familiar sound of my digital alarm clock going off, any minute now that annoying news broadcast woman is about to come on.

**Hello, this is...>>>**

I turn off the radio every morning at the exact same spot in her routine; can we say Groundhog Day? It's not like she has anything important to say, she's just reading the little notes some poor pathetic slave boy wrote for her, and in the end she will be the one that is loved... shit that's life.

I hop out of bed, I grab my black bathrobe and wrap it around my body as I walk out of my room and down the stairs, heading towards the kitchen. I yell for Harry and Holly to get dressed and come downstairs to the kitchen, I get out the eggs and bacon and proceed to make them breakfast. Hmmm eggs and bacon? Yes, that is on today's breakfast menu, yesterday I cooked them animal shaped pancakes with skittles for eyes, noses and smiles... so today would be the tradition eggs and bacon breakfast with one little cup of orange juice for both of them.

"Morning daddy"   
"Morning dad"

And those would be my wonderful children... the one that called me daddy would be, yes Holly, daddy's little girl. I smile at them and point to the kitchen table, motioning for them to sit down as I start to pour the already fixed breakfast on the plates. I walk over to the kitchen table with one plate in each hand; I drop the plates down in front of them and then grab the cups of Orange Juice and place them next to the plates. I watch them eat with this intense look in my eyes, these are my children and I love them, I turn my head though, when I hear the mail man.

"Be back"

I tell them as I get up from my seat at the table and walk outside and greet the mailman with a happy smile on my face.

"Hi Stew"   
"Toby."   
He smiles back.   
"Any mail?"   
I ask. There isn't usually any mail for me.   
"Yes, actually there is."   
"Bill?"   
I ask, but then more shock enters my body when he shakes his head no.   
"Letter. Here"   
He hands me the letter and waves goodbye, seeing that I am engrossed into the letter to acknowledge him leaving.

I tuck the letter under my arm and walk back inside the house, just in enough time to kiss Harry and Holly bye before they leave for school. Once they are off to school, I sit down on my couch and open the letter... I looked down at who is the sender and my eyes instantly glow.

**_"Kareem Said"_**

I tear the letter and begin to read it:

_Dear Beecher-_   
_How is the free life treating you? Good I hope. Sorry it has taken me so long to finally write you, but things have been busy in Oz. As you know, Shillenger was refused of parole and he has been on everyone's case about it since, he even came to me begging for my help, saying he really wanted out of Oz. How low can this guy get? O'Reily is now running the drug trade ever since Morales died, suddenly... oh Pacamo is dead too, people are saying that it was a black inmate that did it, but who knows in Oz? Wittlesey is back in Oz and her and McManus are getting back to what they used to be... some habits die hard. And me, well I miss you. You never know how much someone means to you until they are gone from your life... without being able to see you everyday, has been real hard, I miss talking to you, a person that has proven to be my best friend. Sister Pete, misses you as well, she says she hopes to see you this Friday, whatever that means.___

_And attached is a letter from somebody special, that didn't know your forwarding address... maybe there is a little hope in this world after all... well keep in touch.___

_Peace be onto you my brother._   
_-Said_

I smile and take out the 'attached letter' Said was talking about, I unfold it slowly and read it to myself:

_Dear Toby-___

_It's me Keller. I didn't put my real name on the letter because you never know what Shillenger would do if he saw a letter from me to you. So, how has Oz been treating you? I miss you. I know that you probably would never have guessed that from our last conversation, which was such a long time ago but I do, honestly I do Toby. And if you never get this letter, that means you got parole and if you did, I am so happy for you... if anyone deserves it, it's you. This new prison isn't all that bad, not up to Oz expectations, but hell that's because you're not here. I made a few new friends, but I mostly keep to myself... I think about you a lot, I wonder how you are doing, if you are surviving in Oz or on the outside world... but then... I start getting this feeling that maybe you're not surviving, maybe Shillenger killed you and that scares me. You dying scares me... don't die ok?___

_Yo, listen up ok? I don't have a lot of time to write this, because all these damn hacks are annoying the hell out of me and bothering me but I gotta answer you something. You asked me if you were the first and at the time, I kinda didn't know what to say but here it is:___

_Yes and no.___

_No you are not the first man, I have slept with many gay men and killed them afterwards, and you know that and shit if anyone besides you finds this... I'm a dead man. BUT YES you are the first man I have ever loved the first HUMAN BEING I have loved unconditionally and I thought you needed to hear that. And if I know you Toby, which I do, you are probably thinking I'm with someone else... you never learn do you?___

_I'm only with you, even when I'm not. Only you. Shit gotta go.___

_Love ya_   
_Keller_

I fold the letter back up, holding back the tears, god he knew me too well. The letter represented everything that I wanted to say and right there and then I knew what I had to do...

I had to get Christopher Keller on parole and I was just the man to do it.

I knew what he told me, I knew that he said to stay away, to just keep away from him and live my own life and never look back, never think of him again... but as Christopher Keller should already know... I never listen to what people tell me to do. I'm a very stubborn person, and I don't follow rules, anybody's rules or demands or even pleas.... so I decided, that I was going to bring out the lawyer in me and get Christopher Keller out of prison and into the free world and once I did that, I was going to tell him I loved him.

See when I left Oz, I thought that just maybe what me and Keller had, our relationship, if you would call it that, was just some desperate prison experiment gone wrong... but god now I know, with all my heart and soul, that it's so much more then that... I really do love Keller and I really do believe what we had was a relationship and actually one of the best ones I have ever had and if I never got him back... then I would be living my life in regret.

But before anything... I had to call a friend, the only one I knew that could help me.

I walked over to the phone, took it off it's cradle and dialed a number and smiled when I heard the friend pick up.

"Tim, hi. Yeah it's really me. Things have been great, I'm starting up the law business again, yep I know. Look I am supposed to meet Sister Pete for lunch tomorrow, you think you could come too? Oh that would be great. It's about my newest client... okay see you tomorrow" 


End file.
